Still not a recap, more like last rites

I'm less angry today. Though it is zero excuse for blowing a three goal lead, the Caps are really good (damn them) and in the words of the late, great Jim Croce, "Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you." I still don't feel like rehashing the whole thing, so no recap. There are, however, a couple things to say before laying this game to rest.

I'm not at all sorry that Ovechkin went into the wall awkwardly on Adams' hit, but I don't see how that and the ensuing fight resulted in a power play for the Pens. This was just one of many stupid officiating decisions on Sunday. The refs missed some seemingly obvious calls and then just flat made some shit up late in the game. I understand they're human and all, but there has got to be some kind of standard.

Pierre mentioned that Orpik and Letang were Pittsburgh's new shutdown defensive pairing. While I might be glad that Letang was trusted with that responsibility, the long Waldo Faldo-like debate I had with myself has brought me no closer to a decision. (On one hand, it shows quite a level of respect on the coaches' part. On the other hand, he's an offensive defenseman, so this is weird-ish. On the other hand, if he fills this role well will it mean a greater chance he'll be resigned? On the other hand, if he tanks will they be more likely to let him go this summer? On the other hand, I am unhealthfully paranoid about this.)

I could climb up on my soapbox and explain how NBC lighting a giant pile of money on fire would be as sensible a use for it as paying Milbury and Pierre for their "insights," but my fingers would be broken, bloody stumps by the time I was finished typing.

On a happier note, I just found out we're getting another free preview of Center Ice. It's not as lengthy as the last one, but the timing is pretty awesome. I've got tickets for Feb. 27th (MIA/OSU) and March 2nd (VAN/CBJ), then this free preview runs from March 2-8. Three more Pens games, three more Preds games! Happy hockey week to me!

Pens vs. Caps Pointless Angry Hate Post

I hate the Caps. I hate their enthusiastic, but clueless fans that scream for a penalty if one of their players gets a hang nail. I hate Boudreau’s fits where his head turns red and he flails his arms around like the robot from Lost in Space. I hate the melodramatic players that get hit and promptly launch into the death scene from Swan Lake. I hate the stupid arena with its flashing lights and horns and sirens. I hate that Ovechkin makes a bazillion dollars and always looks like a scruffy hobo. I hate every team that ever had a winning streak in the history of hockey. I hate the person that invented hats. I hate Jimmy Roberts’ mint green sweater vest. I hate golf. I hate NBC's endless Olympic plugs. I hate people who talk about themselves in the third person, Apollo Anton Ohno. I hate Pierre's willful butchery of the English language. I hate Winkler, Manitoba. I hate the creepy ass Burger King. I really hate the word “bus.”


I thought that if I just waited until after the Super Bowl party with all its tasty snacks and beverages (mostly the beverages), then I wouldn’t be quite so pissed off about this afternoon’s game. I was wrong. Maybe a real recap later, maybe not.

Weekend TV: Rugby, Hockey, and Assorted Murders

Hey guess what? I am so awake! I really should be sleeping because I want to be well rested and alert when I sit down to watch NBC's broadc- Actually it might be more tolerable if I just roll out of bed and onto the couch. Hmm...

Everybody got off work early on Friday so that we could all die from the snow at home. Was it a lot of snow? Yes. Were the roads bad? Yes. Was there a need to interrupt Y&R and preempt Oprah to incite the public to such a level of panic that they sold the store out of its usual blizzard essentials (bread, milk, eggs, toilet paper) as well as its entire inventory of meat? Absofuckinglutely not.

The internet was down and there was nowhere I wanted to go badly enough to shovel the driveway or risk the drifts on our excellently maintained rural roads. I dusted three books and watched a lot of TV. (Not to mention the naps, which is why I'm now wide awake.)

Things I saw on TV while snowbound:

According to Discovery Science Channel (I think), there is a substantial amount of evidence that would suggest that President Kennedy's assassination was orchestrated by the mob. Nothing concrete, but a whole lot of weird coincidences. Too many for me to believe things just happened accidentally, unconnected and unassisted.

According to the Travel Channel, New Orleans is the fifth creepiest destination in the world. I guess I can see where they'd get that. A lot of creepy shit has gone down in that city through out its history. But I've been more freaked out by our barn in a strong wind than I was by New Orleans. I loved it there. Then again, I'm used to cemeteries and not afraid of dead people.

According to the news, there have been an unusually large number of giant Humboldt squid off the coast of California this past week. So, because there aren't any government restrictions on catching them, people have been murdering them by the hundreds just for the hell of it. Dear squid hunters, I hate you!

I caught part of the Six Nations rugby tournament on BBC America. It just so happened that the other Ryan Jones and Wales were playing England. Unfortunately, another guy named Jones (Wales has four) took a penalty and England scored 17 points on the man advantage, going on to win the game match 30-17.

I had myself all geared up for awesome goaltending this weekend, so I chose to watch Friday night's Cornell vs. Quinnipiac game instead of the blowout mess that was Clarkson vs. Union. I mean, they used six goalies in that game. Six!

I almost didn't watch the other one either, the announcers were so annoying. The commentary went something like this: "Someone from Cornell is big. Ken Dryden. Cornell. Big. Cornell. Big. Cornell. Ken Dryden." Ben Scrivens was really good though, so I'm glad I didn't turn it off. He was so solid and matter of fact about his saves that I didn 't realize Quinnipiac had put 32 shots on him until the postgame show mentioned it.

Today's Michigan (Sucks) vs. Wisconsin game was... well, odd. Michigan (Sucks) looked like the superior team for a large chunk in the middle of the game, but Bryan Hogan gave up a softie at the beginning and they were burnt for two pretty much identical power play goals late, giving Wisconsin the win. I continue to love Badgers goalie Scott Gudmandson. I'm also saying right now that this year's Frozen Four champion comes out of the Midwest. (Given the usual success rate of my predictions, the Midwest now wants to kill me.)

The crowd was impressive and included Adam Burish, who shared his thoughts briefly via video at intermission. Sadly this meant we were stuck with Darby Hendrickson in the studio. I'm sure he's a very nice man, but he's nowhere near as entertaining as Burish. An interesting studio show would have helped make up for the dipshit play-by-play guys. They talked about everything in the world except the action on the ice. A few examples:

what the coaches were wearing
what the people in the crowd were wearing (or not wearing)
how the ice was made (a lot)
where the pucks went when they were shot over the glass (It's at the ten, the five, touchdown!)
what shapes they could draw with the telestrator pen
what would happen if it were still tied after regulation (twice, with more than ten minutes still to play)
how the shootout worked ("First one team goes, then the other one, and they alternate back and forth after that.")

In case none of that was worth a WTF Media Award, BTN ran Michigan State leading scorer Corey Tropp's name on its ticker as "Troop" all day long.

I was excited to see a video clip of a real live wolverine from the local zoo. I think ours is dead. In the twentysomething years I've been going to the Columbus Zoo I've never seen its wolverine not sleeping in the log. My theory is that some crazed Buckeye fan shot it a long time ago and the zoo officials just had the late wolverine stuffed in a sleeping position and put back in its log.

During commercials and the Burish-less studio segments I flipped over to the Sabres vs. Blue Jackets game. After the Jackets first goal Buffalo should have just taken the hint and given up. Jurcina managed to find the only bouncy thing in Nationwide. Seriously, those boards are deader than our wolverine. What are the odds that he'd hit that stanchion exactly right?

WTF Media Award
No matter how short a time you're tuned in, FS Ohio always provides at least one good (bad?) WTF. Tonight's being Davidge's comment following the Jurcina goal: "Thirty years from now that was a rocket from a hundred feet." If anyone can figure out what that means I will give you a dollar.


I didn't flip over much after that, but I was lucky enough to catch Harry Neale's intermission visit. I had no idea he used to coach OSU hockey! Apparently he was here in the late sixties, when Woody was coaching the football team. He reminisced about having some football players take his beginning hockey class for their required Phys Ed credits and mentioned that it was "nice to come (to the arena) now that it's not a federal penitentiary." I think it's nice to have someone visit that knows something about Columbus and isn't pretending that they do. (Yes, I mean Pierre.)

Speaking of Pierre, I predict that he says "percolate" before the second period of tomorrow, uh today's game. I also predict five on screen graphics comparing Crosby and Ovechkin, three interviews with either Crosby or Ovechkin, and one interview with someone else in which they ask the interviewee about Crosby or Ovechkin.

Hey Amy

I don't mind giving you my tomato sauce recipe (no, it's not hard), but when I try to send it to the e-mail address you gave me I get a message saying that you don't exist. Give it to me again, just to make sure I've got the right address. And hey, if it still doesn't work I'll just post the recipe here. It's not a big secret.

OWCH Post: February 5th

(OWCH standing for Occasional Weekly College Hockey. It amuses me.)


Buckeye Men

Last Weekend: A win and shootout loss to No. 10 Ferris State, which means four out of a possible six points. OSU got eight goals from seven different guys in the series. Cal Heeter was amazing on Friday night. Dustin Carlson started in net on Saturday. He continues to be just as good, or better, than Heeter statistically, but cannot get the wins. (Heeter has 9, Carlson has 2) This is really bizarre to me.

This weekend: Away at Nebraska-Omaha. The Mavericks are tied with OSU in the standings and are coming off a split with Notre Dame.

Second half notes: They're 4-1-1 so far, including two series against teams ranked in the top ten. The power play is starting to be less failtastic, having scored seven times in the last seven games. Zac Dalpe was named CCHA player of the month.

NHL.com had a nice thing about former Buckeye Corey Elkins. It appears that he recently made his NHL debut, scored his first NHL goal (against the Flames), and got engaged. Sadly, it being the holidays and all, I missed this. Congrats to Corey and best wishes for success in all his ventures, both personal and professional :)

Buckeye Women

Last weekend: Split with No. 10 Wisconsin. Laura McIntosh tied Friday night's game with a little less than four minutes to play and Hokey Langan scored the game winner with just nine seconds on the clock. McIntosh assisted on Langan's goal, bringing her point total for the game to four. They found themselves down again late on Saturday but this time, though they gave a valiant effort and Chelsea Knapp made a season high 42 saves, Wisconsin prevailed.

This weekend: They host WCHA cellar dwellers, North Dakota. OSU's website has a parking alert for tonight's game.

College Hockey on TV This Weekend
Friday: Clarkson vs. Union (NHL Network, 7:00 p.m.), No. 5 Cornell vs. Quinnipiac (CBS College Sports, 8:00 p.m.)

Saturday: Michigan vs. No. 3 Wisconsin outdoors at Camp Randall Stadium (Big Ten Network, 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. I think), Colgate vs. Quinnipiac (CBS College Sports, 8:00 p.m.)

As part of Saturday's Camp Randall Hockey Classic, the ladies of Bemidji State will take on the No. 9 lady Badgers earlier in the afternoon. This game will be aired on the Big Ten Network at 9:00 p.m.

Several of the nation top goaltenders will likely be on display in these games; Ben Scrivens of Cornell (1.94 GAA, .929 SV%), Corey Milan of Union (2.16 GAA, .912 SV%), Scott Gudmandson of Wisconsin (2.20 GAA, .919 SV%), and Bryan Hogan of Michigan (Sucks) (2.23 GAA, .903 SV%).

And the ladies are just as stingy. Bemidji State's Zuzana Tomcikova owns a 1.97 GAA and a save percentage of .941 (though she might have left to join the Slovakian Olympic team already) and Wisconsin's Alannah McCready is no slouch either with a 1.96 GAA and .919 SV%.

Two Dollar Sellout: A six year protest comes to an end

I mentioned over the weekend that I had recently ended a private war on NHL merchandise. I also said that it was a blog for another day. It turns out that day is today. (Since my wonky scanner has been refusing to do anything productive and I can’t upload the pictures of RJ Umberger before he acquired the unfortunate hairdo he currently sports or any of the hilarious draft speculation from my old magazines.)

I was at the dollar store on Friday, minding my own business there at the checkout, looking at all the trinkety shit they hope you'll buy just because you have to stand in line forever. Mixed in with the mood rings and candy bars of questionable vintage were packs of last year's hockey cards, two-for-a-dollar. I bought four. Back at home I laid them out on the table and had a moment of silence for my principles.

I used to be an obsessed avid hockey card collector. I had half a dozen three inch binders full of cards (more in storage boxes), spoke Trading Card fluently. I even pledged to the Pi Crazy Nutcase fraternity and chewed the stale, crunchy gum out of an old O-Pee-Chee pack. But it had been six years since I had bought a card, not since the lockout.

Regardless of any good that might have come of it, the lockout really pissed me off and I protested in the only way I could think of. I quit buying shit. Other than tickets (and last season was the first time I did that), I have not purchased a single thing since 2004. I've been gifted some things for birthdays or Christmas or "I can't believe you're still wearing that moustache", but not one single penny of my own money* has been spent on apparel, videos, magazines, or collectibles. Not even hockey cards. I quit cold turkey.

*I can already hear you Sarah. The Stanley Cup DVD money was a gift from Grandma. The memo line of the check actually said "For the movie where the Penguins win."

It seems retarded, I know. The loss of my pathetically few dollars worth of business was not going to make any difference, but it irked me to no end that the supposed caretakers of hockey were the reason I was stuck watching basketball (which I loathe) all winter. I finally relented on the tickets, but I had held out on any sort of merchandise. Until Friday anyway. Now here I was feeling like two dollars worth of sellout. Having burnt my tiny ships of integrity though, there was nothing to do but open the packs.

I laughed at the first one. It could have been a pack from six years ago; Sakic, Khabibulin, Kariya, Modano, Lidstrom, Brodeur. All guys that were neatly arranged in plastic sleeves somewhere in the attic. I had forgotten how entertaining these little cardboard guys could be; the weird faces on the front, the Pulitzer Prize worthy writing on the back (Ales Hemsky "was struttin’ and cuttin’ up and down the ice" last year).

The thought crossed my mind that I could stop by my old card store, just for old time’s sake, pick up a few new packs, catch up with the owner… However I get the feeling this would be about as good an idea as an alcoholic dropping by his old neighborhood bar, just to say hi. I'll think I'll browse back through my old cards instead. All that will hurt are the people who make the mistake of reading this blog, because I will undoubtedly find something which (in my opinion) is really fascinating and must be shared.